Answering in Anger or in Love?

My children are struggling with saying things in love. It seems that answering harshly ( and in anger) is a response that I have been hearing from their mouths.

And in mine. Ouch.

I have been reading a book called Anger by Lou Priolo. It's been a slow and convicting read. He says first read it thinking of your child/children and then re-read it thinking of yourself. Yikes.

Anyway, a verse that keeps popping up in the book and in every other place I seem to look is Proverbs 15:28. "The heart of the righteous studies how to answer." I love that because it puts the emphasis on thinking BEFORE speaking. That's been so helpful in correcting the girls to re-think what they said or think it through before it comes out of their mouths
( I’m still speaking to myself here! )

But even more than this verse, I prayed that God would give me a plan for this matter, so I asked for wisdom and I believe I got it from this book. This little plan of encouragement has been so helpful for all of us! I’ve posted it in our kitchen so we can refer to it time and time again.

1. Consider the words (choose your words carefully, especially when there is a problem that makes us angry.)

*Proverbs 15:28 ( see above)
*Proverbs 16:23 A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction.

2. Tone of Voice ( Don’t just say the right words, say them in a nice way)

*Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
*Proverbs 16:21 The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.

3. Countenance ( Pay attention to the way your face looks- your countenance)

* Attitudes that can mar our countenance: (Pride, Anger, Bitterness, Fear, Rebellion, Guilt, Selfishness) This has been particularly helpful to show my children these expressions and then practice putting them off and putting on more appropriate ones
( Love, Peace, Serving others, Silly, Having Fun, Happy for others, Patience, etc) I am learning to watch my countenance as well. Who doesn’t love to smile????


May the Lord give me grace to have a heart that studies how to answer in each and every situation.